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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26935576">A Ranger Story</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magentas_Nightmare/pseuds/Magentas_Nightmare'>Magentas_Nightmare</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Walking Dead &amp; Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Love, Male Mental Health, Mental Health Issues, Mild Smut, Ranger Training, Suicide Subject Matter, Therapy, Unites States Rangers, flirtation, military setting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:28:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,760</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26935576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magentas_Nightmare/pseuds/Magentas_Nightmare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Merle is a ranger at Fort Benning, the army is his life and he feels he has everything held tightly together in life...until he doesn't. A fellow soldier who is experiencing mental health issues brings to light personal issues from Merle's past.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merle Dixon &amp; Michonne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Trigger warning: mental health, suicide attempt, depression, therapy sessions about childhood trauma (please read below for context about trigger warning)</p>
<p>While this story touched on mental health concerns and suicide, I do not feel that it is being expressed in a way that most people would be upset by it. I do not use these themes as exploitative plot points for shock value, they are only used to bring these topics to light and bring the characters closer to a better understanding of themselves and others. Anything dark in this story brings a lot of light as well in the end. Please feel free to message me if you have any concerns about the content.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A Ranger Story - Chapter One</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>August 20th, 2011</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Fort Benning, GA.</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>{ RAP week. Ranger Assessment Phase }</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Captain Merle Dixon was up at half-past three that morning, it was the biggest day of the year at Fort Benning as far as he was concerned. He took his usual morning run around the base before so much as taking a sip of water and made it back to his barracks in time for a quick shower and some breakfast before meeting the new group of men.</p>
<p>At 50, Merle was still in top form and refused to allow the aging process to weaken his resolve or his physical abilities. He still worked out daily with the younger men and could do his equal share of dead hang chin-ups. He ate clean, worked hard, and stayed focused. There was nothing in life he needed that the military did not provide him. Since the age of 19, the United States Army was all he needed or cared about and it had served him well.</p>
<p>Through deployments in Iraq, Somalia, and Kuwait he held to his training and kept his eye on the mission. Through his own elite ranger training, he insisted on the best from himself and the man next to him. It wasn't an easy life, but nothing ever had been. Merle Dixon could take it and so he did. Nothing broke him as a child and nothing would break him in the present.</p>
<p>There was a new way of thinking in the army that he didn't subscribe to, that weakness was some sort of virtue, that softening yourself to becoming wrapped up in emotions was an asset, but he simply nodded when this type of talk arose and kept to his own mission. It was never an option for him to cry or whine about anything in his life and he was grateful for that. He was able to deal with life on his own terms, he didn't need anyone to coddle him through anything his life had thrown at him.</p>
<p>At 0500, the 306 men who were hoping to make it through RAP week and the rest of ranger training were assembled in the main square and he approached them, ready to make the same speech he always made. The speech was perfected by this point and all the other platoon tactical trainers expected it of him now. His speech saved them from saying anything so early in the morning and it tended to rev up the new group, giving them the inspiration to dig deeper than they ever had before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you're here, you know what's ahead of you, especially in these first four days. You will be pushed, you will be deprived of sleep, you will be given less to eat than you need for the energy you will be expending. This is what it means to be a ranger, doing more with less, digging deep when there's nothing left within you. This is not a game, this is not a mere fitness challenge, there are no medals here. This is designed to determine if the man next to you can trust you with his life. If you have served overseas already, you will have a sense of what it means to be pushed to your limits, to feel far from home with only your fellow soldiers for support. Rangers are not your ordinary soldiers though, we are a different breed, we are special forces.”</p>
<p>He could feel the adrenaline radiating off the crowd before him and he knew it well. When he'd been standing in their shoes years before, he'd felt it too.</p>
<p>“There is a 60% failure rate. Many of you won't be here in four days from now and won't complete the rest of ranger training school. We require of you more than most men can give, but if you're standing here, it means you have the potential so you need to tap into a place inside yourself that you never have before. You think you're ready, but this is constructed to make you question everything you're capable of so be prepared to want to crack. You will be hungry, you will be exhausted, you will be angry and want to throw in the towel, but don't. You are on the precipice of greatness. To become a ranger is an honor and only the best among you will make it."</p>
<p>He paused and squinted into the early morning sun as it rose over Fort Benning and illuminated the reality of the day. They were eager to get moving, to release the tension with action, but he took a deep breath to relay the full ranger creed to them. It would remind them what they were about to torture themselves for, remind them that not every man got to be standing where they were. They were the selected few who had the privilege to suffer in this way, to have the potential of earning his place among the best the United States Army had to offer.</p>
<p>“<strong>R</strong>ecognizing that I volunteered as a Ranger, fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession, I will always endeavour to uphold the prestige, honour, and high esprit de corps of my Ranger Regiment.</p>
<p><strong>A</strong>cknowledging the fact that a Ranger is a more elite soldier who arrives at the cutting edge of battle by land, sea, or air, I accept the fact that as a Ranger my country expects me to move further, faster, and fight harder than any other soldier.</p>
<p><strong>N</strong>ever shall I fail my comrades. I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong, and morally straight and I will shoulder more than my share of the task whatever it may be, one hundred percent and then some.</p>
<p><strong>G</strong>allantly will I show the world that I am a specially selected and well-trained soldier. My courtesy to superior officers, neatness of dress, and care of equipment shall set the example for others to follow.</p>
<p><strong>E</strong>nergetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained and will fight with all my might. Surrender is not a Ranger word. I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will I ever embarrass my country.</p>
<p><strong>R</strong>eadily will I display the intestinal fortitude required to fight on to the Ranger objective and complete the mission, though I be the lone survivor.</p>
<p>Rangers, lead the way!”</p>
<p>A roar went up from the crowd and Merle felt the electricity that only the military could bring him. This was his life, his family, his purpose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*OK. This story deals a lot with the fact that some men have a very hard time dealing with mental illness and sharing their feelings. Merle is THAT guy in this story. At times he will come off as very insensitive but that is all part of the story and part of the journey. Merle’s tendency to fight weakness in himself and others comes from his past and that will be a big part of the story he shares with Michonne. Just had to include this not so that hopefully people won’t totally hate him. LOL</p><p> </p><p>TRIGGER WARNING FOR HOMOPHOBIC SLUR AND CHILDHOOD ABUSE&gt;</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A Ranger Story - Chapter Two</strong>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>That night, after a long day in the sun, Merle met up with the other tactical trainers for a drink in the mess hall. Shane and Rick were two younger guys he could talk to about work and they seemed to have their heads screwed on straight. Oscar was new to Fort Benning in the last year but had already impressed him. Merle would often run with Oscar in the early mornings and then stop for a coffee before heading back home to shower. Oscar knew his shit but was also willing to learn, Merle respected that. The army was about lifelong learning and improvement in his opinion. Spencer was the only guy at the table he had no idea how to talk to. He was quiet and seemed to take everything very seriously. If Merle was being honest, he didn't think guys like him should be in the army, but it wasn't up to him.</p><p>Apparently, Spencer had served with Shane in Afganistan and was still having trouble coping. He had a wife and two young sons and Merle couldn't fathom why making it home in one piece wasn't enough for him. Merle knew as well as anyone that you couldn't dwell on war. Merle got on the plane and left it behind him on his last deployment and didn't lose a moment's sleep, but from what he was hearing lately, some guys couldn't do that.</p><p>“How many did we lose today, Merle?” Rick asked.</p><p>“Four, I think. Wasn't counting. We'll lose more tomorrow I'm sure.”</p><p>“Good group this time,” Shane noted. “Didn't hear as much bitching as I have in the past.”</p><p>“Only saw one guy puke,” Rick nodded. “Not bad.”</p><p>“You overseeing the combat water survival assessment, Spencer?” Merle asked, but the man seemed to be miles away. “Earth to Spencer!”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You overseeing the assessment at Victory Pond?” he pressed.</p><p>“Yeah, don't I always.”</p><p>“Well pardon me,” Merle shot back. “What's your deal now?”</p><p>“Nothing. Sorry, just having a shitty week.”</p><p>“What's up?” Rick asked.</p><p>“The wife's been getting on my ass about therapy. She's picking fights and I don't have it in me to fight anymore.”</p><p>“That's women for ya,” Merle chuckled. “Not that I'd really know, I don't keep 'em around long enough for fighting.”</p><p>“You old dog,” Oscar quipped.</p><p>“Yup. Don't get tied down with that shit, man. If the army wanted you to have a wife, they'd issue one to ya.”</p><p>“That's really helpful, Merle. Thanks,” Spencer sighed.</p><p>“Who said I was tryin' to help? I ain't your shrink. Nothin' wrong with you that more time in the gym won't cure.”</p><p>“It's a little more complicated than that,” Spencer argued.</p><p>“Whatever you say, man. I ain't got those issues myself so I'll leave you to it.”</p><p>“You know my best buddy was blown to pieces in front of my face, right?” Spencer shot back.</p><p>“We've all seen it, Spencer. Didn't you get your t-shirt? I've seen my fair share of shit that would turn your stomach, but I knew what I was signing up for when I devoted my life to this army,” he growled.</p><p>“What's your problem, Merle?” Rick exclaimed. “So he goes to therapy, what do you care?”</p><p>“I don't care, but to be honest, it makes us all look weak as fuck.”</p><p>“It has nothing to do with you!” Spencer said through gritted teeth.</p><p>“Relax, man. I'm going. I didn't realize this was gonna be a hen party.”</p><p>Merle got up and dropped some cash on the table for his drinks. He didn't get this whole new way of doing things. The very ranger creed was all about staying mentally and physically strong. There was nothing in the creed about discussing your feelings and crying on the shoulder of some lady doctor who was probably laughing her ass off at you when you left.</p><p>The army therapist was a beautiful woman named Michonne Evans who had caught his eye the moment she stepped onto the base for the first time. Spencer was free to spend his days crying on her shoulder. Merle could think of far more fun things to do with Dr. Evans.</p><p>Merle made it home in time for a quick shower and then poured himself into bed without a care in the world.</p><p>/</p><p>He recognized that he was experiencing a dream as soon as his eyes settled on the ugly little mobile home where he was raised. His heart beat a little faster and he told himself to stop being silly. He could hear Daryl's voice from inside through an open window but it wasn't Daryl's voice now, he sounded like a child. Merle hadn't spoken to Daryl in a few months. He was busy with a wife and young child and they had very little in common anymore. Merle loved his brother but he didn't show it the way other people did. Daryl knew he could count on him and that's all he needed to know.</p><p>Merle figured he'd check the old place out and approached the door with a bright full moon looking down upon the scene. Their father was home and sitting at the kitchen table.</p><p>“Hey there, you old prick,” Merle chuckled. “Thought you was dead, what a shame to see you still kickin'.”</p><p>There was no answer and then Daryl walked in. He looked about 8-10 years old.</p><p>“You been into my things, boy?”</p><p>“No, Sir.”</p><p>“Liar. You know I can't stand a kid I pay to feed lying to my face, ask your brother. I beat his ass enough for lying to me.”</p><p>“I swear I didn't touch anything.”</p><p>“You were in my wallet. You took $5 from me.”</p><p>“It was only for milk and I left the change in your coat pocket!”</p><p>“See? You were bullshitting me. Put your hands out.”</p><p>“I'm sorry!”</p><p>“Do it. No son of mine is gonna be a liar or a pussy.”</p><p>“Alright,” Merle sighed, “that's enough. You ain't layin' a hand on him now that I'm here.”</p><p>The kitchen had that same smell of cigarette smoke and cheap greasy food, it felt more real than Merle was happy with. Virgil walked to the wall and took down a thin wooden switch that Merle had cut from a tree himself when he was about Daryl's age. Merle was about to take a step and grab it from him but his feet wouldn't move and apparently nobody in the dream could hear or see him.</p><p>It was then that he realized he'd have to watch Daryl take a switch to the palms of his hands until they bled. Their father didn't consider punishment complete until there was blood. He didn't want to see it again and pinched his arm in an attempt to wake up, but it didn't work.</p><p>“Fuck you!” he shouted, trying to get his father's attention.</p><p>It's just a dream, calm down. It ain't even real, you idiot.</p><p>SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!</p><p>The shrill little squeak from Daryl brought it all back and he tried to get his body to move. He wanted to beat his father to death, but he just stood there watching it, silent to them both as if he was a ghost. Daryl's face was pitiful and panic stricken as he rubbed the palm of his little hand. Merle growled under his breath but reminded himself again that these shadows had already passed.</p><p>“One more,” Virgil grinned.</p><p>“Please...I'm sorry.”</p><p>“Hold it out you little pussy. You gonna be a fuckin’ fruit all your life?”</p><p>SMACK!</p><p>/</p><p>Merle opened his eyes then and found his heart racing in his chest.</p><p>“Fuck,” he yawned and knew he'd be up for a while trying to forget it. His rest was often uneven lately and he got up to take a leak and a shot of whisky in an effort to get back to sleep. He decided to give his brother a call in the morning after RAP was done for the day. He thought of Spencer and fought the notion that he probably sounded a little like his dad to him. They weren't the same though, Merle wasn't as bad as Virgil Dixon, he couldn't be. Merle may be a man who expected soldiers to be tough but the army expected that too, it was in the creed for Christ sakes.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A Ranger Story - Chapter Three</strong>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>A cool rain fell on the second day of RAP week and the hopeful men gathered at Victory Pond for water survival assessment. The sky was dismal and a look of fearful optimism was present on the face of almost every man awaiting his turn.</p><p>“You ready to get started?” Merle asked Spencer, who was typically the one to manage the water assessment.</p><p>“Yeah, just fuckin' wrecked today.”</p><p>“How come?”</p><p>“You don't wanna hear about it,” he sighed and grabbed the clipboard to begin the session.</p><p>Merle really didn't want to hear about it, it was starting to feel like every time he saw Spencer there was an emotional problem going on and it drained him to even think of it. If Merle had a problem he'd take care of it at the gym, have a drink, get some more sleep, get laid, or watch a good movie...normal things. It didn't compute to him that some issues were not solved this way.</p><p>Halfway through the assessment, Merle noticed that Spencer was zoning out and had missed the stopwatch for one of the men making an attempt.</p><p>“Spencer, back to barracks,” Merle said simply.</p><p>“I'm fine, it was just a mistake.”</p><p>“These men have worked their asses off for months to prepare for this. You on your game today or not?” he demanded to know.</p><p>“Yeah, back off!” he shot back.</p><p>Merle rolled his eyes and stood back with Rick, Shane, and Oscar to grumble about it.</p><p>“What's his deal?” Merle huffed.</p><p>“Having a tough time, that's all,” Rick noted.</p><p>“Then he needs to take a break and get his shit straight. This ain't the place for a guy who's got issues going on.”</p><p>“Not everything needs to be 'do or die', Merle,” Shane shrugged.</p><p>“He's not up to it and you all know it. It's not a kindness to tell him he's fine when he ain't.”</p><p>“You might have a point,” Oscar agreed. “He looks like he hasn't slept well all week.”</p><p>“I don't hate the guy or anything, he's a fellow soldier, but he shouldn't be on the job right now,” Merle sighed.</p><p>When Spencer failed to clock the next man correctly Merle decided that enough was enough.</p><p>“Back to barracks,” he stated in a voice that Spencer knew not to argue with.</p><p>Everyone began discussing Spencer's issues at length when the day was done and Merle just didn't feel up to it.</p><p>“Gonna hit the gym, see you guys later.”</p><p>“What should we do about Spencer?” Shane asked.</p><p>“No idea, not really my area of expertise. I'm a soldier, not a therapist,” he shrugged.</p><p>/</p><p>Merle stopped by his home first to cook up some supper and then sat in front of the TV to unwind from the day. He thought briefly about Spencer but then decided to go to the gym instead. He figured a swim in the pool at the base would help to clear his mind. He loved getting physical whenever something was on his mind. The gym was almost like his church. Joining the army at a young age and dealing with his past through non-stop physical exertion was what helped him cope.</p><p>He put on his trunks with a pair of track pants and walked across the base to the pool to do some laps before bed. When he walked out to pick a lane for laps, he noticed Dr. Michonne Evans swimming laps in the furthest lane and decided to watch for a moment first. She was a stunner. Merle liked her sleek muscular body and gorgeous smile. She slipped through the water like a dolphin, as if there was zero resistance against her skin as she moved. She made her turns with a forward flip and a solid kick off the pool wall and he grinned to himself as he watched. He probably had nothing in common with such a woman, but it didn't stop his mind picturing them tangled up in each other.</p><p>She stopped at the edge of the pool unexpectedly after he'd been in a daze over her for about 5 minutes. He wasn't expecting her to speak to him and had nothing clever in mind for when she did.</p><p>“Hey there,” she said, looking up to him with her hands on the edge of the pool.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Feel free.”</p><p>“Are you watching me?”</p><p>“Nope,” he smirked.</p><p>“Really?” she pressed.</p><p>“Absolutely not. I know how this world works nowadays. I ain't admitting nothing.”</p><p>“Do you think I'll be upset if you admit you were watching me?” she smiled.</p><p>“You're a fellow member of the United States Army, and as such, must be respected at all times. I will not and shall not make any advances that could be misinterpreted as inappropriate, Ma'am.”</p><p>“Do you always follow the rules like this?” she asked.</p><p>“Absolutely. I was merely admiring your breaststroke and nothing more.”</p><p>“You're a cheeky one,” she countered. “Why don't you get your butt in here and race me for a few laps?”</p><p>Merle raced her for the next hour and only beat her twice. She was a beautiful mermaid and he knew he wanted more. It was unusual for him to want more than sex with any woman but there was something about Michonne and he didn't feel like fighting it.</p><p>"This ain't fair, doctor."</p><p>He was getting out of breath and she was clearly a superior swimmer.</p><p>"Why isn't it fair?" she argued.</p><p>"You're a mermaid," he winked.</p><p>"Pretty slick line, Captain. I'll have to keep my eyes on you."</p><p>/</p><p>She was standing outside the building when he walked out and he stopped for a moment to say goodnight to her.</p><p>“Have a good night,” he nodded.</p><p>“You too,” she smiled. “Maybe we can race again sometime.”</p><p>“I'd like that...can I walk you back to your quarters?”</p><p>“So you're an old-school gentleman,” she said.</p><p>“Yes, Ma'am."</p><p>“Alright then, come on.”</p><p>Merle walked by her side with his gym bag over his shoulder and noted how shiny her skin was in the streetlights. When they arrived at her building, she squeezed his hand for a moment, thanking him for walking her home and repeating again that they should race again soon.</p><p>“Anytime you like...sleep well,” he smiled.</p><p>She made him a little dopey and it had been years since a woman had that effect on him. He was used to fighting that feeling, but at 50 it wouldn't be a bad idea to have someone in his life to retire with. She was only in her 30s at a guess, but maybe she'd consider settling down with an older guy if he could show her he was still man enough.</p><p>Merle made it home by 10 pm and crawled beneath the covers to think of her privately. He wondered what the army would think of him starting something up with the base therapist and decided that if she was willing, it didn't really matter what they thought. It was highly unusual for him to consider disobeying the army, but she made him wonder about everything he thought he wanted.</p><p>His right hand moved down his body to the source of his need and he took a good ten minutes to get himself there slowly. Merle replayed the way she smiled at him, the flirty banter they shared, and the way her skin looked in the streetlights. Wherever it was going, he was on board.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The gravity of what happens with Spencer doesn’t really hit Merle in this chapter...but it will soon...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A Ranger Story - Chapter Four</strong>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Merle was up early as always and laced up with running shoes for a quick jog around the base. He spotted Oscar down the road aways and increased his pace to catch up to him.</p><p>“Hey, buddy,” he nodded, falling into the same speed as the younger man.</p><p>“Hey, Merle, what's up?”</p><p>“Nothing much.”</p><p>They continued on in amiable silence until Oscar noted an ambulance down the road.</p><p>“What the hell?”</p><p>Merle squinted and tried to think who's home they were at.</p><p>“That's Spencer's place,” Merle said when he recalled the car that Spencer's wife drove and that it was parked out front.</p><p>“Shit!” Oscar winced. “You don't think he did something stupid, do you?”</p><p>Merle stopped and stood next to Oscar. He simply shrugged cause he had no idea what Spencer was capable of.</p><p>EMTs exited the home Spencer shared with his family and had him on a stretcher. He looked pale and they were rushing him into the ambulance like it was a serious medical emergency.</p><p>“Fuckin' hell!” Oscar exclaimed. “He doesn't look good.”</p><p>/</p><p>“I can't believe he did this,” Rick stated in a toneless voice. “What about his family?”</p><p>“They say he's gonna pull through, they pumped his stomach at the hospital,” Merle explained.</p><p>“I knew he was having issues but I didn't think he'd try to kill himself,” Shane added.</p><p>Merle didn't feel like adding very much to the conversation, anything he said was likely to sound insensitive and then they'd all be on his case. He knew they didn't want to hear 'I told you so.' He hoped that Spencer would be able to get help and get better but those words wouldn't sound right coming from him, he has an image that didn't jive with sensitivity. </p><p>“His poor wife and kids,” Rick sighed. “I hope he gets some real help now. Maybe he does need to be out of the army after all.”</p><p>Merle said nothing, he knew they could all see it now and this wasn't a time to point out that he had been saying that all along. </p><p>/</p><p>That night, Merle decided he needed to hear Daryl's voice and sat on his front step to make the call.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>Daryl sounded tired but a young family was a lot of work.</p><p>“Hey there, brother.”</p><p>“Merle, hey! Long time no talk.”</p><p>“How's the domestic life treatin' ya?” he smiled, realizing that he missed his brother and wanted to see him soon.</p><p>“Great, I mean it's pretty exhausting but Carol's good, and Sophia is growing like a weed.”</p><p>“Nice. She looks a lot like you as a kid,” Merle noted.</p><p>“And she's a little terror like you,” he laughed. “Always up to something she shouldn't be.”</p><p>Merle looked out over the quiet street and thought about childhood with Daryl.</p><p>“How's ranger school going?” Daryl asked.</p><p>“Same as usual, except one of the men I work with tried to off himself last night.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“He's gonna be OK. He took a bunch of pills but they pumped his stomach in time.”</p><p>“Still, though, that's horrible.”</p><p>“Yeah, he was having trouble for a while but try telling anyone the truth anymore. He shoulda left the army a while ago.”</p><p>“A little harsh, Merle,” Daryl noted.</p><p>“No, it isn't. Him being here obviously isn't good for him.”</p><p>“Maybe you have a point there.”</p><p>“I'm not a monster but I think the army is for men and women who are mentally tough. This life isn't for everyone.”</p><p>“I guess so,” Daryl accepted, but then he changed the subject. “Carol and Sophia want to see you sometime. You gonna have some time off?”</p><p>“Ranger school is another few weeks but then I can head down and we could do some fishing. Take Sophia along maybe.”</p><p>“Sounds great. She'll love that.”</p><p>“Tell her I love her and give her and Carol a hug from me.”</p><p>“Will do, brother. Love you.”</p><p>“You too, Daryl.”</p><p>He hung up the phone and sighed to himself. Maybe it was time for some changes. Maybe it was time to think of the next stage of life. He couldn't be a soldier forever but he wondered what would be left for him if he let go of the lifestyle that had saved him. Daryl had a family of his own and Merle had nothing but the army.</p><p>He still had time for a quick swim before bed and if he was being honest he was hoping to run into Michonne again. He was lucky to see her walking out of the lady's change room only 10 minutes after he started swimming laps and eyed her like a predator as she sauntered over to the lane she always used.</p><p>“I knew it,” he hollered to her.</p><p>“You knew what?” she grinned as she slipped her legs into the water.</p><p>“You wanted to see me again.”</p><p>“I don't know what you're talking about,” she insisted with a smug expression.</p><p>“It's OK, Doctor, I won't tell anybody about your little crush. It can be our secret,” he quipped.</p><p>“You're pretty full of yourself, Captain.”</p><p>“I'm just teasin',” he chuckled. “Just tryin' to get a smile out of you, Doctor.”</p><p>She smiled over to him brightly and he felt an arrow run straight through his heart. This is what he'd been avoiding for years but now all he wanted was to run straight into the flames. There was just something about her he couldn't resist wanting more of.</p><p>“You're pretty cute,” she grinned.</p><p>“I'll take it. At my age, I'll take whatever I can get.”</p><p>“Get out of here. You can't be more than forty.”</p><p>“Just turned 50 last month,” he informed her.</p><p>“And I'm 42 next month.”</p><p>“Stop it, really? I woulda guessed you were in your 30s.”</p><p>“Nope,” she smiled and then stretched her head back to wet her hair. “Still, interested?”</p><p>“Oh yeah,” he smiled. “I'm really interested.”</p><p>She looked incredible to him and he liked that they were closer in age after all. If there was any hope in hell of her taking him up on his flirtations, it might look better to other people that she wasn't dramatically younger. He didn't normally care what stranger's thought but she might.</p><p>They raced each other for a while and then she swam over to his lane to chat a little closer.</p><p>“So, can I see you out of the water sometime?” he asked.</p><p>He wanted to know if there was a shot, if there wasn't then he needed to start getting over her. Merle didn't like to feel this weak if he could help it.</p><p>“I think that could be arranged,” she said. “What did you have in mind?”</p><p>“Dinner and a walk by the lake in the city?”</p><p>“Very romantic, you are an old-school gentleman.”</p><p>“How's Friday?” he asked.</p><p>He needed to nail down an actual day. He needed it set in stone before she changed her mind.</p><p>“Sounds good to me.”</p><p>/</p><p>Merle walked her home again and felt the kind of excitement he heard other men talk about. He hadn't expected this to happen to him, but he was definitely falling for her and he was falling hard.</p><p>“I'm looking forward to Friday already,” he said as they arrived at her door.</p><p>“Me too. You won me over with all the goofy flirting.”</p><p>“I only act like a goof when I'm nervous around a beautiful woman, expect more of that,” he laughed.</p><p>“Tough guy ranger man has a soft side?”</p><p>“Only with women, never on the battlefield.”</p><p>“I don't doubt that for a minute,” she said. “Well...”</p><p>He leaned in to kiss her cheek when she seemed to be waiting for something and it ended up being a moment he'd never forget. One little kiss on her cheek and he froze right there as she reached out to grasp his arm. The moment hung suspended in the air like a snowflake in an updraft and then she pulled him in for a real kiss.</p><p>Her lips were full and soft and she tasted like strawberry lip gloss. Merle Dixon was done for, and he knew it.</p><p>Merle walked home with a dopey grin and crawled into bed for the first time in years only thinking of a woman, nothing army related even occurred to him that night.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A Ranger Story - Chapter Five</strong>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Early the next morning, all anyone could talk about was Spencer. Merle wondered if they blamed him, knowing they'd never admit it if they did.</p><p>“I hear he's doing better today,” Oscar noted.</p><p>“Good. Maybe we can go visit or something,” Rick added. “I don't know how those wards work though.”</p><p>Merle didn't know about visiting on a psych ward either, but he felt like he should find out. Maybe he was the last person that Spencer ever wanted to see, but he felt like he should go and see him anyway.</p><p>Merle was just wrapping up the first section of RAP for the day when he got a call on the intercom from his superior officer. He was rarely called to speak to Dale and wondered what it was about. Merle made his way to Dale Horvath's office and took a seat across from his desk.</p><p>“Captain Dixon, I need to speak to you about a delicate matter.”</p><p>Merle hoped like hell it didn't have to do with Michonne. If they told him he couldn't see her, he planned to tell them right where to stick it. For Merle to even think such a thing was completely foreign when he was a devoted army man, but he wanted Michonne and that wasn't about to change.</p><p>“What's the problem?” Merle asked.</p><p>“It's about Spencer.”</p><p>“He OK?”</p><p>“He's staying in the hospital for a while to receive more psychiatric care, but the doctors there called me with some concerns.”</p><p>“What does this have to do with me?” Merle sighed.</p><p>“Spencer mentioned you in the note he left for his wife.”</p><p>“Why me? I barely know the guy. We aren't exactly buddies.”</p><p>“The thing is, his wife is pretty upset. It came across like maybe you were bullying him in the note.”</p><p>“Are we in kindergarten here? Bullying?” Merle exclaimed.</p><p>“Merle, relax. I just need to get to the bottom of this before it becomes an army problem. I need to know what you said to him.”</p><p>“All I said was that he should take a break from the army to get his head straight and I was right, wasn't I? I never called him a single name or even raised my voice.”</p><p>“Alright. I get it and I'll back you up. I just had to have this conversation with you.”</p><p>“Fine. I want to see this note though. I think I have a right to see what he wrote about me.”</p><p>“Merle, I don't know.”</p><p>“You've read it?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Then let me see it. I won't say anything to anyone, but I have a right to see this supposed evidence against me. I'm being accused of driving a man to suicide after all.”</p><p>Dale handed over a piece of paper after locating it in a file folder. Merle skimmed it quickly and just stayed staring at the paper.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <b>I'm not cut out for the army or anything else. Please don't hate me, Donna, but I can't take failing you every day. Tell the boys I love them and that I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, it was always me who failed. I tried to be strong for you but I'm so damn tired of letting everyone down. Captain Dixon was right about me, I just can't keep this up. Love, Spencer.</b>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>When Merle finally looked up, he caught a glance of a photograph laying on top of the file folder. The image of Spencer with his two young sons in his lap hit him in a way he didn't expect and suddenly it felt like there was no oxygen left in the entire room. The boys looked a little like him and Daryl as kids but they looked so happy with Spencer. Merle and Daryl had no happy pictures with their father. Those kids almost lost their dad and maybe it was his fault. What if Spencer had died? How could he ever look himself in the mirror again? What would Daryl say?</p><p>He began to experience tunnel vision and Dale's voice sounded like it was being drowned out by the thumping of his heart.</p><p>“Merle? Merle, you OK?”</p><p>“Uh...yeah. Fuck. I feel like I can't breathe.”</p><p>Merle leaned his head down on the desktop and was sure he was having a heart attack.</p><p>“Jesus! Merle! Breathe, man...take it slow. Just breathe slower,” Dale was insisting.</p><p>“I'm having a heart attack,” Merle sputtered.</p><p>“I don't think so.”</p><p>“What?” he gasped. “What's wrong then?”</p><p>“Panic attack,” Dale said.</p><p>Merle groaned and felt stupid but was still having trouble catching his breath. It took a long time to feel right again. Dale's secretary brought him some cold water and a cold cloth for his head and he gradually regained his composure.</p><p>“Merle, you should speak to someone about this.”</p><p>“I'm fine. It's just been a long week with RAP and this thing with Spencer. I'm absolutely fine.”</p><p>“Has this ever happened to you before?” Dale asked.</p><p>“Hell no. I'm fine. I told you it's just stress or something. I'm not going soft or anything. Just leave it alone.”</p><p>“I can't just pretend this didn't happen.”</p><p>“Hey, if anything else happens I'll talk to someone.”</p><p>“I can't just let this go, Merle. Your health could be at risk.”</p><p>Merle got up, angry with being treated like a mental defective, and stormed out of the office. He never lost his temper with his superiors but this was no small thing for him. He took pride in his ability to handle life, mentally and physically. He hated to be seen in a moment of weakness. He hated to be in a position of vulnerability.</p><p>/</p><p>Merle was at home that night trying to relax and watch a movie when he got an email on his phone that ruined his night.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <b>Captain Dixon,</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>I received a message from Dale Horvath today recommending that I speak with you regarding an incident in his office this afternoon. I'll be happy to meet with you at your earliest convenience.</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>Dr. Michonne Evans</b>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck.”</p><p>It was over before it even began and Merle felt a kind of sadness that was not common for him. A recommendation in the army was a command and he knew there was no way out of this little meeting. He had seen himself with her, taking trips and having fun. He could have seen them living together, maybe even getting married, but that wasn't happening now. She'd figure out that he was losing his grip, that he was mentally weak and she'd lose any interest she ever had in him. He wouldn't blame her, in fact, he'd probably lose respect for her if she accepted him this way. A woman like Michonne deserved someone who could keep their shit straight. He was her patient now, not a romantic option. He bit the bullet and answered her email as professionally as he could.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <b>Dr. Evans,</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>Tomorrow at 3 pm is good for me.</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>Captain Dixon</b>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He looked at his face in the mirror that night and wanted to scream. Why had his mind failed him like that? Why did he feel such crushing guilt from that photo?</p><p>He dreaded speaking to Michonne, the humiliation had already sunk in and he felt like shit as he lay down in bed. She would blame him for what happened with Spencer, she would think he was a monster now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A Ranger Story - Chapter Six</strong>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Merle worked with the new recruits for the morning and then had to have Rick and Shane take over while he went to his meeting with Michonne.</p><p>“Where you off to anyway, Merle?” Rick asked.</p><p>“Dentist,” he replied.</p><p>It was nobody's business that he was starting to crack.</p><p>He arrived at the medical building where Michonne worked on the base and informed her assistant that he was there. He stared at the clock on the wall and frowned to himself as he remembered the taste of her kiss. There would be no more strawberry kisses for him after this. He had wanted to be her old-school gentleman, but all he could ever be now was a joke.</p><p>“Merle, come on in.”</p><p>He looked up to see her smiling at him and he felt more stupid than he could bear.</p><p>“I just wanted to have a chat and see how you're doing,” she began. “This doesn't have to be a big deal. It's more of a formality. I think Dale is just worried about liability after what happened with Spencer.”</p><p>“I'm fine,” he answered. “There's nothing to talk about.”</p><p>“I heard that you had a panic attack.”</p><p>“He's exaggerating.”</p><p>“Dale is very concerned about you. He seems to think that this situation with Spencer is bothering you to the point that it could affect your job.”</p><p>“Nothing affects my job. I'm fine,” he stated plainly. “I've spent nights deployed in foreign lands with live fire running all night long and never lost it once.”</p><p>“You can talk to me, Merle...it's OK to let your guard down.”</p><p>He sighed and could barely lift his head to look at her. He felt like a lame dog about to be put down.</p><p>“Merle...”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Just tell me how you feel.”</p><p>“I feel like I'm being castrated,” he answered honestly.</p><p>“Good Lord!” she almost chuckled. “You army guys are intense, aren't you? I'm just suggesting a conversation here, no scalpels required.”</p><p>“I want you to know that I don't expect you to still go out with me,” he said.</p><p>She was a nice woman and he felt he owed it to her to let her back out of their date easily. He wasn't going to make her kick him when he was down, he could do that just fine by himself.</p><p>“What are you talking about?”</p><p>“That guy almost killed himself over me...and now I might be losing my mind. That's what I'm talking about.”</p><p>“I never said I didn't want to go,” she said softly. “Don't you still want to?”</p><p>“I do, but I don't know if I can...it feels like I'm a patient to you now. I don't really feel like much of a man to be honest.”</p><p>“Do you think I see my patients as less than human or something? Having feelings about the world around us is what makes us human, Merle.”</p><p>“I still don't even know what happened though, maybe it was something medical.”</p><p>“Like a panic attack?” she sighed.</p><p>“So, you do think I'm crazy."</p><p>“I've had a panic attack before. Do you think I'm crazy?”</p><p>“Of course not, you're a woman though.”</p><p>He knew as soon as he said it that it was stupid but it was too late.</p><p>“You think mental issues are a woman thing?” she exclaimed.</p><p>“No! Just women are more sensitive...aren't they? I didn't mean anything by it.”</p><p>“Merle, for goodness sake!”</p><p>She looked exasperated and he wished they weren't fighting but he couldn't handle the idea that she thought he was weak in some way. His entire identity was wrapped up in his character of strength and resilience. He didn't know who to be without that.</p><p>“You mad at me now?” he asked sheepishly.</p><p>“No. I just don't get why you're fighting this so much?”</p><p>“It's been a rough week and I don't even know which way is up right now,” he answered honestly.</p><p>“Do you need some time?” she asked softly.</p><p>“Yeah, I think I do.”</p><p>“Just take a day or two and think it over. There's no harm in just talking, this doesn't have to be official or anything. I just want to help if I can...I like you a lot.”</p><p>“I like you too...I'm sorry I kinda lost it there.”</p><p>“It's OK. I understand.”</p><p>Merle got up to go, he felt lower than dirt in her presence. Gone was the dream of being able to sweep her off her feet with a perfect dinner and a walk by the lake. He had already pictured her next to him in the moonlight and it ached that he'd probably lost his shot already. Michonne was the one woman who could have made him stop and turn the ship around. She made him want something completely different, but maybe all he'd ever have is the army.</p><p>“Call me when you've had some time to process everything, OK?” she said.</p><p>“I will...thanks. This isn't my proudest moment.”</p><p>“You don't always have to be strong, Merle.”</p><p>“I don't know how not to be.”</p><p>“Maybe we can figure that out together.”</p><p>Maybe she had a point, but it still sounded uncomfortable to him.</p><p>Merle felt the sneaking suspicion, upon returning home, that he would lose any shot he ever had with Michonne if he didn't learn to open up to her. He wanted her but he wanted to be a man with her, not some sappy half-man creature who whined about his feelings.</p><p>It was hard to imagine a reality where she could take him seriously if he ever spoke to her about his dad, or trying to keep Daryl safe, or why he was the way he was.</p><p>/</p><p>It may have been the worst idea in the world, but the next morning he needed to see Spencer and took a morning off RAP testing to do it. Merle never took time off work unless he was half-dead with the flu or something, but he needed to see Spencer and it couldn't wait another minute. He drove to the hospital in Columbus and had to spend ten minutes convincing the head nurse that he was a friend and that he just needed a few minutes to speak to Spencer.</p><p>“I promise, I ain't gonna upset him at all. I work with him.”</p><p>“I'll see if he is comfortable seeing you,” she sighed. “Be right back.”</p><p>Merle suspected that he might be told to get lost, but as it happened, Spencer agreed to see him. He was sat in a chair by the window with a housecoat on when Merle walked in.</p><p>“I'm sorry about that note,” Spencer began. “I wasn't trying to get you in shit or make you feel bad...I wasn't even thinking straight when I wrote it.”</p><p>“Don't worry about it,” Merle said.</p><p>It was stunning that Spencer wasn't livid with him and he felt even worse.</p><p>“Spencer, I'm sorry,” he said.</p><p>It was not a great apology and he planned to add to it, but he couldn't let another moment pass without saying it.</p><p>“It's not your fault.”</p><p>“Maybe not 100% but I sure as hell didn't help. I never meant for this to happen.”</p><p>“I know. I just had a moment of weakness when it all built up on me and I've been having trouble with my wife. She said that if I can't get my head straight, she'd have to leave and take the kids away. I don't think she really meant it, but it broke me.”</p><p>“Are you getting good help here?” Merle asked.</p><p>“Yeah, Dr. Evans stopped by to see me. She's really great. I think I'll be OK now. I regret trying to kill myself already. I know I need more help than I was getting before. I'll be here for another week or so.”</p><p>“Will you be coming back to work? I really hope you do,” Merle said, and he meant it.</p><p>“I want to. As long as the doctor thinks it's a good idea, I will.”</p><p>“I can't believe you don't hate me,” Merle sighed.</p><p>“I was pretty pissed at you once or twice, but I can't hang onto anything negative right now. I don't think you meant it like it sounded anyway.”</p><p>“I really just thought you needed a break, but I ran my mouth and was rude to you. I'm really sorry for that, man.”</p><p>“It's OK.”</p><p>“I hope you'll let me take you out for a drink when you get outta here.”</p><p>“I'd like that,” Spencer smiled. “I always looked up to you...I still do.”</p><p>“I really fucked up here,” Merle shrugged.</p><p>“You walking in here and saying sorry means a lot to me.”</p><p>“That's good, cause I know I'm not gonna be the same guy who said those things to you now...I had a panic attack when I saw your note. I know that having a mental problem doesn't mean a person is weak. I have some stuff to deal with myself actually.”</p><p>“We will both get there, right?”</p><p>“Yeah...I think I need to see Michonne. I have some baggage from when I was younger that she could probably help me out with.”</p><p>“Good for you, man. All's well that ends well,” he said.</p><p>“Right. I'll get outta your hair now, I guess. Do you need anything in here?”</p><p>“No, I'm all good. The wife is being pretty sweet now.”</p><p>“I bet,” Merle chuckled. “You call me when you get out and I'll take you for a steak bigger than your head and a couple of cold ones.”</p><p>“I'll hold you to that,” he smiled.</p><p>“It's as good as done, brother.”</p><p>Merle took a few steps over to Spencer then and thought about hugging him but instead, he awkwardly held out his hand. Spencer almost laughed, picking up on the fact that Merle had no idea how to show another man affection, and shook his hand in return.</p><p>Merle stepped out into the parking lot of the hospital and took a long deep breath to regain his footing. His nerves had been fried when he walked in, but he felt human again now. Out of absolutely nowhere, he was both smiling and tearing up, a completely new experience that left him feeling unbalanced but strangely calm.</p><p>/</p><p>Merle decided that he needed to ask Daryl about women and knew that it would come as a shock to his younger brother. He sat on the front step that evening with a glass of scotch and dialed Daryl's number. Sophia was demanding attention for the first few minutes of the call and then Carol got her interested in some TV show.</p><p>“Sorry about that, man. She's a little hell-raiser, but we love her that way,” Daryl laughed.</p><p>“Just like her Uncle Merle then?”</p><p>“Pretty much, so what's up? I don't usually hear from you this often.”</p><p>“It's about a woman actually.”</p><p>“You seeing someone?” Daryl asked.</p><p>“Trying to...but this thing with the guy I work with was more complicated than I thought.”</p><p>Merle explained the situation with Spencer and how they had talked it out. He even told him about his episode in Dale's office before going into great detail about Michonne.</p><p>“She's special...I think she might be the one or something.”</p><p>“Never heard you say nothing like that before!” Daryl exclaimed. “You've been married to the army for years.”</p><p>“I know, but she's different. I just don't know how to let her get close and have her still respect me,” he said sheepishly.</p><p>“I can tell you one thing about women, they love it when you tell them personal things...when a woman loves you, she wants to know everything. She wants to see your baby pictures, hear about every single thought in your head, and every feeling in your heart.”</p><p>“I don't know if she loves me,” Merle said.</p><p>“There's only one way to find out...you gotta let her close enough to hurt you, you gotta risk it.”</p><p>“Is it worth it?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“What you have with Carol is worth how hurt you would have been if she didn't love you back?” he asked, knowing how stupid it sounded, but this was all new to him.</p><p>“I didn't have a choice in the end. I had to tell her how I feel cause I knew I'd regret it forever if I didn't try. She could have told me she didn't feel the same and it would have hurt like hell, but I had to risk it. I had to.”</p><p>Merle knew he had to risk it too, he loved Michonne and no matter how she felt about him now, he had to tell her everything.</p><p>“I'm gonna go for it,” Merle stated.</p><p>“This is a whole new you, brother.”</p><p>“I hope so...I never wanted a woman this way before. I fuckin' hate it.”</p><p>“Nothing like feeling flayed alive and totally desperate, hey?”</p><p>“It's brutal,” Merle sighed. “Thanks for not laughing.”</p><p>“It's not funny. I'm happy for you. I love you, Merle.”</p><p>Merle always said “same here” or “me too” or “back at 'ya”, but not this time.</p><p>“Love you too, brother. Goodnight.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A Ranger Story - Chapter Seven</strong>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Merle woke up after a fitful sleep where he was forced to watch Michonne marry another man, so he wound up texting her earlier than was probably acceptable.</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>I know it's early, but I need to talk to you. Can you call me when you get up?</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>Merle</b>
  </em>
</p><p>He was a little surprised to have her calling him back only seconds later at 6 am.</p><p>“Merle? You OK?”</p><p>“Yeah, I'm sorry I texted you so early, there's no emergency...except that I needed to hear your voice,” he sighed.</p><p>“I'm flattered.”</p><p>He could hear her shifting in bed and imagined her laying in her nightie talking to him.</p><p>“I've been such a mess this week, and I'm sorry for how I reacted to you offering to help me. I think I could use someone to talk to and I really want that to be you, if you're willing.”</p><p>“I was really hoping you'd call me back,” she said and he could just tell that she was smiling on the other end of the phone. “I'd love to talk, anytime you like.”</p><p>“Today, if you have any time,” he suggested.</p><p>“I have time at 8 am, when is your assessment starting.”</p><p>“Not until noon today, so that works. I'll just go for a run and meet you at your office then?”</p><p>“Sounds good,” she said. “I'll see you then.”</p><p>/</p><p>Merle got up and threw on his sweats to go for a run and thought about all the things he might tell her. Where would he start? Where would it end?</p><p>He ran two laps around the 6 blocks in his portion of the base and then grabbed a quick shower and breakfast before walking over to the medical building. She was waiting for him in the waiting room and nodded at him with a sweet smile as he walked into her office.</p><p>“I'm so happy you called,” she began. “I want you to know that this is all up to you. Talk about anything you like and leave out whatever you want. I'm just here to listen.”</p><p>“You look really pretty this morning,” he grinned.</p><p>“That's a good start...you look pretty good yourself, Captain.”</p><p>“Can I talk about when I was a kid or is that going back too far?” he asked.</p><p>“Start wherever you want,” she smiled.</p><p>Merle settled his big hands on his thighs and took a deep breath, looking around her office and noting a painting of a koi fish behind her desk. It only made sense to start at the beginning, it had all gone wrong right at the beginning.</p><p>“I was born in a little town about an hour from here. My mom died when I was 7 and then me and my kid brother were stuck with my dad. He was never a nice guy but he got even worse after my mom died. He drank too much and he was just an angry person.”</p><p>He looked up briefly to see her giving him a sympathetic expression that he would normally view as pity, but maybe she just cared...maybe she was just sympathetic, and that was a nice thing.</p><p>“He used to use a belt or a thin switch to punish us. People did that kind of thing back then, but he really liked it. I didn't care much about me...I almost liked the feeling of burning hands after my mom died cause it helped me cry about it, but I hated him hitting Daryl.”</p><p>She stopped him then and he was surprised by her question.</p><p>“Were you not able to cry unless he hit you?”</p><p>“My dad despised weakness, so I held it in. I couldn't help crying after he'd hit me hard enough though, so it helped.”</p><p>“That must have been really hard for a child to cope with.”</p><p>“It was no picnic,” he agreed. “It was Daryl that got to me the most though cause I was his big brother so I was supposed to keep him safe, mom always said so. The problem was that Daryl was a sweet one and he'd cry easy when he was a little guy. I had to get him to toughen up so he'd catch hell a lot less. My asshole father hated kids crying more than anything else. He'd call us...”</p><p>“Go ahead, Merle. I've heard it all,” she insisted.</p><p>“He'd call us pussy and homophobic names if we cried so I had to teach Daryl not to cry. I had to get tough with him sometimes but it kept him safe. He had to be stronger or else that bastard might have killed him.”</p><p>“Do you see the correlation?” she asked him then and he didn't see it at all.</p><p>Merle just shook his head and waited for her to explain.</p><p>“You were raised in a home where being tough meant safety and then you joined the army where that's all they ever talk about and then you see Spencer struggling with depression...the kind of sadness that would have enraged your father...”</p><p>“You think?”</p><p>Merle was baffled at how she connected the dots so easily, but it did seem to add up.</p><p>“You've spent your whole life being sent the message that expressions of emotion end in pain and punishment. How could you have reacted differently than you did?”</p><p>“I don't know...but I wish I had. Spencer almost paid permanently for my screw up.”</p><p>“But he didn't. He's going to be OK, and you can see where the issue came from now. That's progress if I ever saw it, and all in only one conversation.”</p><p>He looked into her eyes and looked for something to show him that he could still be a man for her. She deserved that. She smiled at him then and shook her head as if he was being silly and she was probably right.</p><p>“Michonne, can I speak freely here in your office?”</p><p>Protocol was in his blood and he had to be sure before he spilled his guts.</p><p>“Please do,” she nodded.</p><p>“I can see what happened in my life now, thanks to you. I understand myself better...but I need to know something.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Can you still take me seriously?”</p><p>“More than ever,” she said.</p><p>“I know this is new...we haven't even been out on a date or anything, but I feel things for you I never felt before.”</p><p>
  <em>Why not lay it all on the line? Why not bear his entire soul to her now?</em>
</p><p>“I had a good feeling about you,” she smiled. “I think I was right.”</p><p>“I'm flawed, of course you know that now...but I think I could be good to you if you'll still have me.”</p><p>“Last I checked, we were going on a date, right?”</p><p>“If you still want to.”</p><p>“I never didn't want to,” she reminded him.</p><p>“I haven't been able to stop thinking of that kiss since it happened,” he confessed.</p><p>Merle was becoming almost high on his new ability to just say what was on his mind, it was so freeing. He hoped he wasn't going to push it too far and say too much, but he could sense that nothing much scared her away.</p><p>“Me neither,” she said softly. “In fact...I wouldn't mind a little reminder.”</p><p>Merle got up from the chair on the opposite side of her desk and she stood as he approached her.</p><p>“Thank you,” he said and she simply pulled him in close for a soft kiss that lingered for a good 30 seconds before becoming a little more heated.</p><p>Merle's hands found her back and her body felt so good, she was warm and soft and she smelled like water lilies...or at least what he thought they might smell like, all he did know for sure was that he was ready to drown in her completely. Her tongue moved against his own and he held the back of her head in his right hand as his left hand pulled her close at the waist. It felt like they had been kissing for years on some distant planet, like he was just finding his way back to her after years of absence. Maybe this was what love felt like.</p><p>When she finally paused to catch her breath, she was dazed and he loved that.</p><p>"Feeling alright, Doctor?" he grinned.</p><p>"Just fine, Captain...a little heated now, but just fine."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A Ranger Story - Chapter Eight</strong>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Merle cranked up some tunes as he stepped into the shower. It was late Friday afternoon and he had about an hour to make himself presentable. The day had gone perfectly and he had received a text from Spencer asking him how he was doing. Merle had a feeling that he and Spencer were going to be close friends in the end. A week ago he would have been insulted by another man asking him if he was OK, but he wasn't that guy anymore.</p><p>He lathered up his body after an intense after work workout session in the gym and imagined where his date might go with Michonne. The walls of his home vibrated with music and he felt alive in a completely new way.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Pack up all my cares and woes</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Feeling low here I go</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Bye, bye blackbird</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Where somebody waits for me</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Sugar sweet so is she</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Bye, bye blackbird</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>He had booked them a table at a bar and grill within walking distance of the lake in Columbus and he'd be stopping by the florist on the base to buy her a bunch of wildflowers.</p><p>The future was unclear, this was a deviation from the path he'd been on since he was 18 and he should have been scared, but he was only excited at the possibilities.</p><p>Merle arrived at her door at 6 pm and when she stepped out she left him speechless. She was in tight dark jeans and leather knee-high boots with a sleeveless black top. He noted gold earrings and gold bangles around her wrists and hoped that he looked half as good to her.</p><p>“You look gorgeous,” he said, handing over the wildflowers.</p><p>“You look mighty fine yourself, Captain,” she winked. “I've never had a man bring me wildflowers before, they're beautiful. I'll just put them in some water before we go. Come on in.”</p><p>Merle followed her into her suite and noted the deep red walls and immaculate decorating.</p><p>“Nice place,” he smiled. “My place is really bare and boring compared to this.”</p><p>“Maybe it's about time you had a woman in your life then,” she teased.</p><p>He said she was right about that and watched as she filled a golden vase with water for the flowers.</p><p>They headed to the city in his car and she shuffled through his CDs to play some tunes along the way.</p><p>“You have excellent taste in music, this could be a match made in heaven.”</p><p>She played Michael Kiwanuka and he reached out a slightly shaky hand to rest it on her knee as they drove.</p><p>“This OK?”</p><p>“Yeah, it's perfect.”</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Honey, I've been thinkin' 'bout you</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>All that you do</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Don't you think of me too?</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Lady, where you been for so long?</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>I don't mean you no harm</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Had to write you this song</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Well, I long to be alone with you</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>And if I couldn't have you,</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>I don't know what I would do</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>I guess I would leave (I would leave)</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>This world alone (this world alone)</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>'Cause without you I'm just bones...</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>They arrived at the restaurant and he ordered a nice bottle of wine for the table.</p><p>“So, tell me,” she began. “What made you want to join the army?”</p><p>“I liked the structure, I guess. I was a dumb kid, but I knew enough to know that I'd probably wind up in jail without a lot of structure,” he chuckled.</p><p>“You were made for the military,” she smiled. “Fit, honorable, and very easy on the eyes in uniform.”</p><p>Her voice was a silky purr and he could feel his body responding to it under the table.</p><p>“You're a little evil, you know that?”</p><p>“I know,” she smirked and took a sip of her wine.</p><p>It ached in such a good way to be with her. She didn't even seem to remember anything he'd said before about his past, she wasn't treating him like a headcase, she was treating him like a man she was really interested in.</p><p>“So, tell me more about you,” he said. “Did you grow up here?”</p><p>“I was born in Zimbabwe but my family immigrated to the US when I was 6 years old. I was a book worm and a total nerd all through school, I have one younger brother who lives in New York and my parents are in Atlanta...hmmm, lemme think. I love art history and good wine and soul music. I speak my mind and I cry over chick flicks really easily.”</p><p>“I wanna see your baby pictures,” he said absentmindedly, thinking of what Daryl said earlier.</p><p>“Excuse me?” she laughed.</p><p>“It's just something that my brother said the other day,” he explained. “He said that when it's love, you wanna hear every thought in the other person's head and see their baby pictures and I was just thinking that I never wanted to see a woman's baby pictures before now.”</p><p>“Is this a roundabout way of saying you love me?” she teased.</p><p>He was busted, but he didn't mind as long as she didn't.</p><p>“Maybe it is, have I scared you away on the first date?”</p><p>“No,” she smiled. “I'm not used to a man being this forward, and I like it.”</p><p>They enjoyed a nice dinner together, she had pasta and he had steak with tomato salad. Michonne teased him about eating his steak blue rare.</p><p>“You like it still mooing, huh?”</p><p>“Yup. I'm a bit of a savage, don't mind me,” he grinned.</p><p>“I'll hold you to that,” she answered.</p><p>By the time dinner was over, he was far more interested in being alone with her than going for a walk but it was sweet torture to drag it out this way.</p><p>Moonlight reflected off the water, along with all the city lights of Columbus. He reached for her hand and she looked just as beautiful in the reflected moonlight as he knew she would.</p><p>“This went well, hey?”</p><p>He wanted to know what page she was on and used zero tact in finding out.</p><p>“It's been a perfect evening...maybe it doesn't have to end here.”</p><p>“I hope it never ends,” he said plainly.</p><p>“You're really laying all your cards on the table,” she noted.</p><p>“I never used to...and I'm not trying to push you or scare you off, but I know how I feel, I know it's you.”</p><p>“It's me?” she smiled.</p><p>“You're the only one for me and I'm too old to play games.”</p><p>“Merle...”</p><p>“It's OK,” he smiled. “Just tell me to cool it and I will.”</p><p>“It's not that...I just never felt so much for someone I just met before, it's a little scary.”</p><p>“We can slow things down if you want. I just feel like I uncovered a superpower. Finally being able to tell people how I feel is like being let out of jail.”</p><p>She didn't say anything for a moment, and while he was anxious to hear her opinion, he still felt calm. Michonne was free to say it was too much or that she was all in like he was, but he was still glad to be honest with her. Much of Merle's time with women had been spent pretending he was more interested in them than he was, or laughing at jokes he didn't find funny, or acting like he was a big tough guy all the time when that clearly wasn't true. Being honest had it's potential to hurt him, but it was better than the games. Finally, she stopped walking along the path to speak and he felt at peace with whatever she could have to say.</p><p>“You throw me off my guard,” she began. “In my line of work, it normally takes a long time for people to become as open as you are with me. I admire how far you've come so fast.”</p><p>“I had a good doctor, what can I say?” he joked. "Seriously though, I know I'm coming on kinda strong, I'm just excited."</p><p>“You've turned the tables on me, Merle Dixon...you've got me falling for you and I swore to myself I'd never fall this fast.”</p><p>“Is it bad that I wanna take you home with me?” he asked.</p><p>“You must be the devil himself,” she whined.</p><p>“I just might be, wanna find out?”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A Ranger Story - Chapter Nine</strong>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Merle walked to the car with Michonne and all the way back to the base, he felt a fire burning inside. He wasn't completely sure if it would go all the way that night, and honestly, he would have been excited just to spend some time making out nice and slow. He wanted to learn everything that pleased her and show her that he was the man who could deliver.</p><p>She shifted a little as they pulled into the gated entrance of the base and he realized she was just as nervous as he was.</p><p>“My place or yours?” he asked.</p><p>“Mine.”</p><p>“You got it...we could always just have a cup of coffee if you like.”</p><p>“Maybe in the morning,” she answered. “I'm in the mood for something stronger than coffee.”</p><p>Her wit was such a tease. Michonne was clever and gorgeous, he was in over his head with her and he loved it. They were both more keenly aware of people on the streets as they exited his vehicle to make their way up the path. To his knowledge, what they were doing was simply frowned upon and not against some code in the army. Either way, he was going for it and refused to feel anything but excited. He imagined telling Daryl about him and Michonne and introducing her to his family and he realized that it meant more to him than the army now...such a concept was hard to believe but he knew it to be true in his heart.</p><p>He followed her into her living room and was offered a spot on a large leather couch.</p><p>“Would you like a drink?” she asked. “I have some nice dark rum.”</p><p>“Sounds perfect. Thanks.”</p><p>She returned a moment later with a tall rum and coke and they sipped their drinks in silence for a moment. He could feel sexual tension in the way she moved and knew it would soon be out of control.</p><p>“Music?” she suggested, just to break the silence.</p><p>“Sure thing,” he nodded as she got up to put on a CD. “I had a great time with you, Michonne. I'm glad you took a chance on me after everything.”</p><p>“You had me right from the first moment we spoke,” she grinned. “I couldn't take my eyes off of you, and you were so funny too.”</p><p>“Same, and I could have watched you swimming all night.”</p><p>The room was beautifully decorated and had wine red walls, it was warm and welcoming just like her. He thought about how cool it would be to live with her, how nice it would be to wake up with someone. Being able to open up to her about his deepest fears and have her still desire him was intense and he wanted it for the rest of his life. He recognized Hozier playing on her stereo and found it funny how many of the same artist they liked.</p><p>“Oh, just a second! I got something for you,” she quipped suddenly.</p><p>He watched as she walked to a desk in the entryway and grabbed an album. She opened the book and handed it over to him. Merle grinned at a photo of her sitting on the grass, she must have been about 2 years old in the photo and she was so cute that he couldn't stop smiling.</p><p>“Very cute, I knew your baby pictures would be.”</p><p>“I wanna see yours too,” she almost whispered.</p><p>
  <em>Did she mean what he thought she might?</em>
</p><p>“Yeah? I think that can be arranged...I think my brother might have one or two of me as a kid.”</p><p>He noticed that she had edged just that little bit closer to him and now she was leaning over to place her glass on the table. This was likely the moment, and he had to make it good, he had to seal the deal.</p><p>Like it was scripted, he reached out to touch her face and she closed her eyes, leaning her cheek into his big hand.</p><p>“How'd I get so lucky?” he said. “How did I get to be here with you tonight?”</p><p>“It probably sounds corny...but I think we're meant to be right here, with each other.”</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>She squirmed up close and their lips met. Merle needed her closer still and wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug to urge her onto his lap. Luckily she seemed more than happy to straddle his thighs and he ached at her weight on his thighs. The kiss grew hotter and more ravenous as the music played and he needed her in a more animalistic way.</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>My heart is thrilled by the still of your hand</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>It's how I know now that you understand</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>There's no plan, there's no race to be run</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>There's no plan, there's no kingdom to come</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>I'll be your man if you got love to get done</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>Sit here and watch the sunlight fade</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>Honey, enjoy, it's gettin' late</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>There's no plan, there's no hand on the reign</b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>As Mack explained, there will be darkness again</b>
  </em>
</p><p>She ran her hands threw his hair to hold his head still and her tongue moved again his own. Merle was drunk once more on the strawberry taste of her lip gloss and the fullness of her perfect lips.</p><p>He felt her move on his lap and his dick throbbed to be set free. He wanted her on him, riding him, telling him he was the one for her.</p><p>“You make me so hard, honey...I can't wait to lay you out and give you everything,” he confessed.</p><p>“I'm not stopping you, Captain,” she whined and then her black sleeveless top was pulled over her head.</p><p>Her skin was flawless and so warm to the tough as his hands claimed her back, pulling her in even tighter against his body. It was all right there in front of him, all he had to do was reach out and take the love she was offering.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>It was the same, right from the start, she could see there was so much more to him. Merle Dixon was a mixed bag of characteristics and she was intrigued from the first moment she'd seen him when she arrived at the base. She'd watch him running, training the younger men, and working out at the gym and more than once she had pictured him over her...under her...inside her.</p><p>Being able to help him find some resolution was one of the most fulfilling moments of her career, not that he ever needed much help, but to see him find peace with his past was a blessing. She could see them as one now. Perhaps they were an odd couple, but no man had made her feel this high before. Throwing caution to the wind was not her style but she needed to be his and it couldn't wait another minute.</p><p>With her shirt off, he was laying hot kisses across her chest and had both his big strong hands on her back, holding her to his mouth. He would growl here and there and she could feel him, rock-hard under her. Michonne was about to have her cake and eat it too.</p><p>She backed away to stand up and his eyes went wide as she pushed her jeans down to the floor.</p><p>“Fuck me,” he muttered.</p><p>“Not a bad idea, Captain,” she replied.</p><p>Michonne reached behind her back to unfasten her bra and allowed it to slip slowly down her arms and then it was on. Merle got to his feet and grabbed her fast, kissing her hard and lifting her up into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he lay her back on the couch to really get it moving. He was everywhere at once. His huge hands trailing up and down her bare thighs and his mouth devouring her breasts, licking and sucking her nipples hungrily. Merle thrust against her panties and she yanked his shirt over his head to get to his toned chest.</p><p>“Damn...I think I'm gonna need your pants off too, soldier.”</p><p>“You got it, honey. I'm about bustin' outta my jeans now anyway.”</p><p>She watched as he backed up just enough to push his pants down his legs and then his boxers. Never had she seen a man this well-endowed and she was ready for it.</p><p>“You're really...wow...” she grinned.</p><p>“So, I'll do for ya then?” he joked.</p><p>“Hell yes!”</p><p>/</p><p>Merle found it entertaining that she thought he would dare to make love to her without making her cum first and proceeded to tease her with his hands through her panties. She writhed and whined for him so sweetly and he kept it up until she almost begged for more. He finally pulled her panties down her legs and then it was on. It had been a while, but he was no slouch in the oral department regardless of that fact. She was grabbing handfuls of his hair in no time as he licked up one lip and down the other in a circle of torture that almost made her cry.</p><p>Merle slid one and then two of his thick fingers inside her as his lips finally made contact with her clit and she melted into the couch like a puddle.</p><p>“Please...oh God...please, Merle...”</p><p>This was it. Merle was going to make her his woman and come hell or waters high he'd keep her forever with him.</p><p>“I love you, honey...always will.”</p><p>“Love you too...I can't explain how fast this happened...but I know it's true,” she said.</p><p>She held his face in her hands and took his breath away. Finally, someone was more important to him than the army and it felt so good to need something more.</p><p>/</p><p>She felt him urge her knees apart further then as he knelt between them. He leaned in to tease the head of his hard cock up and down her wet womanhood and she almost died right there.</p><p>“I wanna give you every inch of me, but I like making you squirm too,” he grinned.</p><p>She could already feel that he'd be testing the capacity of her body...he would fill her every desire with his ample manhood...and then it happened. A few more times, he taunted her and then he was sliding slowly inside.</p><p>“Oh God!” she shuddered. “Sweet Jesus that's good!”</p><p>Everywhere. She could feel the sensation of his power everywhere. Michonne's body quaked with need and she arched her back to allow him even deeper inside her, the burning pressure taking over every cell in her being.</p><p>“You OK, honey?” he panted. “I ain't hurtin' you none?”</p><p>“You're a whole lotta man...but don't you dare stop!” she whined.</p><p>/</p><p>It was so sexy, she was feeling it all maybe a little too intensely but she didn't want him to stop. He felt like a man again, even more than before because this was 100% no more bullshit real. He was honest with her and now he was nailing her senseless. He loved her and she loved him. Nothing was ever going to top this.</p><p>For the rest of his days, he was going to do as she asked and soon he was cumming at her demand, all over the flat plain of her belly and breasts.</p><p>/</p><p>“Did you want to stay the night?” she asked when he was finished washing up in the bathroom.</p><p>The hallway was dark and a little corner of her heart and mind wondered if maybe this wasn't what it seemed.</p><p>“I want to stay with you every night you'll let me, Michonne. I meant every single thing I said to you tonight.”</p><p>Apparently, he could read her insecurities all over her face and was more than ready to ease her mind.</p><p>She walked him into her bedroom that night and they slipped under the covers like they did it every night. It was simultaneously exciting and comfortable. He pulled her into his arms and she drifted off with her cheek resting on his chest, listing to him breathe and the sound of his heart pounding.</p><p>
  <em>
    <b>One more chapter after this, thanks for reading! xoxo</b>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>A Ranger Story - Chapter Ten</strong>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Merle drove home after sharing breakfast with Michonne the next morning and the moment he stepped into his home he realized how empty it was. The walls were bare and it was silent. He wanted to turn around and go back to her, but he got a phone call that stopped him.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Hey, Merle.”</p><p>“Hey, brother. How's it going?”</p><p>“Pretty good, I got a week off work. My boss wants me to take half my holidays this summer before we get busy and I was thinking of bringing Sophia down to see you if you're not too busy. Carol's stuck working and I don't wanna deal with the little monster alone.”</p><p>“I ain't busy, come on down. As it turns out, I managed to get the girl I was talking about so you can meet her while you're here.”</p><p>“Nice! Congrats on that.”</p><p>“When are you coming?”</p><p>“Tomorrow too soon?”</p><p>“Hell no. I'll get the spare room all set up for you and the kiddo can sleep on the pull-out couch, hey?”</p><p>“Yep. Works for us. Thanks, man.”</p><p>“I'll show Sophia off all over the base like usual and the guys will spoil her rotten,” Merle chuckled.</p><p>“See you in the morning, then.”</p><p>“Right on.”</p><p>/</p><p>Merle decided to relax on a Saturday for once instead of working out and lay back on the couch to watch a baseball game on TV. He was still reeling from the night before and patting himself on the back for pleasing his new girlfriend...the word girlfriend sounded really good to him.</p><p>Another call interrupted his ball game but it was Spencer so he didn't mind.</p><p>“Hey, man. What's up?”</p><p>“Nothing much. They're letting me out for a couple of hours this afternoon, so I was wondering if you had some time to kill...the wife is calling it quits with me. I don't mean to pester you on a weekend but I'm sick of talking to nothing but doctors.”</p><p>“No problem. I can be down at about 1:30 if that works. We could grab a late lunch or something.”</p><p>“You sure it's OK?”</p><p>“It's all good, man. Happy to come.”</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“Not a problem. See you then.”</p><p>Merle was enjoying basking in the afterglow of new love, but he didn't mind making the time for Spencer, he was still glad Spencer was even alive. Merle made it to the hospital on time and picked Spencer up out front. He wasn't looking so great, and if his marriage was over, Merle could see why.</p><p>“So, is this mutual or...”</p><p>Merle didn't really know how to begin such a conversation.</p><p>“Not really, she's the one who's done with me and I'm kinda OK with it in a way. I'm just stressing about custody and all the lawyer shit but as far as the relationship, it's better to end it while I'm still somewhat sane.”</p><p>“It's her loss, man.”</p><p>“I agree, besides the suicide attempt, I'm quite the catch,” he laughed.</p><p>“You're a nice guy and a good dad, she'll regret this in time.”</p><p>They arrived at a bar and grill and Merle insisted that he order the biggest steak on the menu.</p><p>“Thanks, Merle. I feel better already. I guess I'm just a little worried now that she'll try to use this thing I'm going through as a bargaining chip in the divorce.”</p><p>“You should talk to Michonne. Maybe she could speak on your behalf in court. It ain't fair for her to use that against you, you're human for fuck sakes. You wouldn't take a man's kids away for any other illness.”</p><p>“That's a good point. You think she'd help me out?”</p><p>“She just might.”</p><p>Merle couldn't help grinning when he thought of her.</p><p>“What's that grin about?” he asked.</p><p>“Can you keep something under your hat?”</p><p>“Sure thing.”</p><p>“Me and her are a thing now.”</p><p>“Shut up!”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“She's hella pretty, man. Good for you.”</p><p>“Sorry to bring up my good news while you're having woman trouble,” Merle sighed.</p><p>“It's all good. Like I said, I think we are better off apart. I just need to fight for some time with my kids now.”</p><p>“I'm here if you need anything, remember that.”</p><p>“That means a lot to me. Never thought it would be your shoulder I'm crying on,” he laughed.</p><p>Merle actually liked the feeling of connecting with someone else like this, he felt less alone in the world than before. He still felt like a man who was emotionally and physically strong most of the time, but it was OK to not be OK here and there.</p><p>“You know, I thought I knew everything a few weeks ago,” Merle began. “I thought pushing everything down was the best way to deal with feelings, but that's bullshit and it didn't make me stronger. I wish this hadn't happened to you, Spencer, but I learned a lot and I'm a different person cause of you.”</p><p>Clearly, Spencer didn't know what to say and simply held out his beer mug, to offer a cheers to Merle. Merle chuckled and liked the idea of something bad leading to something good. He never would have thought he'd be friends with Spencer, but he knew they'd be friends for life now.</p><p>Merle drove him back to the hospital and reiterated that he wanted him to come back to the base if he was up to it.</p><p>“Thanks for this, I needed to get the hell outta there for a bit,” Spencer smirked. “I was about to start eating fruit off the fuckin' wallpaper.”</p><p>“It's all good. What are friends for?”</p><p>/</p><p>Merle called Michonne that night to tell her about Spencer and ask if perhaps she could speak for him.</p><p>“I think I could write a letter to the courts and then if they wanted me to appear in person, I would be happy to. I don't feel like he's likely to attempt suicide again and I don't see any reason that he would be a threat to children. He regretted his choice as soon as he was lucid.”</p><p>“He's looking a lot better and he's taking his wife ending things surprisingly well, he's just looking to move on now.”</p><p>“That's good. I'm happy to hear that you two can talk about this, it will do him a world of good.”</p><p>“He's a nice guy...so, I was wondering something else. Is it too early for you to meet my brother and his kid tomorrow? If it is, I totally get it.”</p><p>“I'd love to meet them,” she insisted.</p><p>“I never really had a girlfriend to show off to my brother before. How sad is that?”</p><p>“It's fine. I hope he's impressed with me,” she joked.</p><p>“A doctor who looks like a friggin' model, he'll be wondering if your eyesight is OK,” Merle chuckled.</p><p>“Stop it, I'm a very lucky woman to have you,” she argued.</p><p>“I'm a lucky man,” he sighed.</p><p>Feeling things was dangerous, but she was more than worth the danger.</p><p>“So, any chance you want to spend your Saturday night at my place?”</p><p>“Just try and stop me,” he grinned.</p><p>“When is your brother arriving?”</p><p>“By noon I think.”</p><p>“Good, then we can spend Sunday morning in bed together.”</p><p>Normally, Merle would be running by 6 am on a Sunday morning, but being wrapped up in bed with Michonne sounded like a lot more fun. When the honeymoon phase was less intense, he would get back into more of his normal routine, but after devoting his entire adult life to the army, it was 'Merle time' now. He was free to feel, to love, and to see what the world had waiting for him beyond the confines of the ranger creed, and with Michonne by his side, he knew it would be a whole new adventure.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>The End</strong>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you know my work, you know I don't like to stretch things out beyond the resolution of the plot and that's the case here too. This story was about male mental health and Merle coming to terms with his past and seeing that he was wrong and that story is told:) <br/>Thanks for reading! xoxo</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I will post a new chapter every few days:) <br/>Thank you for reading! xoxox<br/>Teagan</p></blockquote></div></div>
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